Baloney and Hogwash!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the formidable and terrible powers behind S.C.U.B.A. for allowing me to join this illustrious society. I promise to uphold the bylaws and protocols, whatever they may be. I have lost my glasses and am unable to read the reams of fine print on my contract. Ahem.

In other news, I must say, never in my entire 6 years of life, have I heard such balderdash. Such grandiosity! So many untruths, so little time.

I do not have the time nor the fortitude to address every factual error in our esteemed but obviously addled friend's retelling of how we met.

#1. I am indeed, a doctor and quite a good one at that. However, Rich did not require Cardio-thorasic surgery, or any other surgery for that matter.

#2. Purple was not present when we met. He was visiting family in Borneo.

#3. I met Rich at a rather sophisticated establishment in Thailand, where he was enjoying a professionally choreographed show. I refuse to say what I was doing there, except that it involved a dog and pony and monkey show, which is no longer running... due to some misadventure involving a chicken and some marbles. Ahem.

#4. The banana from which I saved Rich, did not lodge in his left ventricle, or any other ventricle for that matter. Said banana was already peeled before it began its ignominious flight towards our braggart friend. For reasons still unclear to me, Rich's mouth was ajar. Actually, it was hanging open, but let's not quibble over syntax.

The naked banana, having been propelled from an orifice not intentionally designed for bananas, hurled itself into Rich's gaping maw. He immediately began to choke and sputter and wave his arms around, (thus knocking unconscious several waitresses, but I digress...).

Fortunately, I was able to swing gracefully through the crowded room, until I landed ever so gently and adroitly on Rich's shoulder. I dislodged said banana and promptly disposed of it.

Thus ends the tale.

I hope you will all forgive Rich for his outlandish and brash fashioning of the story. After all, it's all water under the bridge. Spilled milk, etc. etc. Thank you for your time.


Your friend and colleague,
Monkey